What do you think of this writing piece?

Too many sentences describe the emotional aspect of a fiesta. And it seems a little naive to say that ual attraction is excluded. And mentioning how music affects the soul is very abstract and subjective. And 'engrossed with negative feelings' and 'to be in a malice condition' is wordy and awkward writing. Do not try to wow your teacher with wording: ease up on the adjectives. Add a creative figure-of-speech. Organize your thoughts better.